Elevator Etiquette (Part Deux)

6 hours, 35 minutes and a few seconds left, before I officially finish my term at Sapphire Networks/Broadband Gibraltar Limited!

Moving along from the pre-movement portion of an elevator experience, we now reach the portion I like to call "The Ride." Now, The Ride can be quite a boring experience, if it is encountered alone, but there are many variable factors that can affect and enhance The Ride considerably. Is their elevator music playing for example? I once worked in a building where the porter adamantly played Country and Western, at that level ever so slightly higher than comfortable in the lifts. Every day. Without fail. As you can tell from my tone, that no more enhanced my Ride than a giant lump of fresh dog turd in the corner of said lift would have done, instead it made me want to terminate my Ride experience as soon as humanly possible!

Does the elevator have a view? This same Country and Western infected lift had a view into the atrium of the building, where you could peruse through the different office windows, or merely look down upon the few (ranging between 1 and 30 depending on the time of day, time of month [deadlines!] or time of year [Christmas is stressful]) nicotine addicts getting their quick fix before continuing with their busy day.

(The humdinger) Are you sharing The Ride with anyone else? Why "the humdinger" I hear you ask? Because if the answer to this question is positive, your whole Ride experience could be changed for ever, for better, or quite probably, for worse!

Co-Rider Type 1: The Smoker!
Now, I'm not a complete anti-smoke person. I don't deliberatly cough if someone lights up near me, I don't complain if I am in a public place and people are smoking, it's your addiction, and I understand that. My friends smoke, Shivvers used to, I really have no problem with smokers. As I have mentioned (around here somewhere, I'm sure) before, I don't have pet peeves, I have psychotic f*cking hatreds, and smoking in small, enclosed area's, especially lifts, and even more so when other people are in them, is one of such hatreds. Yesterday I had the "pleasure" of sharing my downwards Ride from my apartment with two of the stirling young individuals who are painting the block at the moment. Both, covered in paint (and possibly stripper, tarps, spirit etc!!!!) were puffing away. 1. I don't want to have to breath your bloody smoke in such density, in such an already oxygen deprived, confined space. 2. You're covered in flamable fucking incandescent fluids! Enough said on "The Smoker."

Co-Rider Type 2: The Silent Starer!
Prior to my smoke infested Ride, I had an un-nerving experience sharing an upwards Ride with a reasonably old gentleman, in the smaller of the two lifts in my apartment building, who said nothing, even when I asked him which floor he needed, he simply pushed past me and pressed the button himself! Not only was he exceptionally quiet, but he then proceeded to stare at me, right at me, straight in the eyes. That kind of stare that makes you want to run for the hills. It freaked me completely, thank god I only live on the 4th floor! (Note to religious nuts, about the possible blasphemy, see my views on religious crazies commenting here)

Co-Rider Type 3: The Chatterbox!
Sharing your Ride experience with a chatterbox can go one of a number of ways. You could be amused and actually enjoy your 20-30 second conversation with the chatterbox. You can act all shy; smile and nod at whatever he or she is saying, or you can just ignore them. My chatterbox experience yesterday was semi amusing, I had a few bags in my hands from the market, with fruit and veg in, about which he enquired "just been shopping then?" "Nope, just like carrying round large punnets of strawberries, some peppers and some onions" is what I should have said, instead, I humoured the poor bloke, and simply replied "yep" (I was in a not so chatty mood). I was wrong to think that my one word reply would shut him up: "You lived here long?" "about 2 years now" (again, short and brief, take the hint?) "Well, I bought here when they were first built, I'm told that they have increased in value....*blah blah blah*" DING 4th Floor! Thanks and freaking praises "Have a nice day!" and away I ran....

Lifts... bah!

Elevator Etiquette

Did I just use an Americanism? Why yes, yes I did. But only because it rolls off the tongue better than lift etiquette does!

Just to let you know, I have 20 mins MAX left of my shift, and this has only just popped into my head because of a few occurances in lifts today... so if it isn't finished, be prepared for a great big "TO BE CONTINUED" sign!

To continue on the chivalry theme, everyone knows, or should do, that a man is meant to hold a door open for a lady, no matter which direction either of them are going in relation to the building/carriage/door-adorned-area (layman's: in or out). But can the same be applied to a lift/elevator. If a man is in a lift, is it properly polite to hit the hold button if you see a woman approaching, even if you are unsure if they are actually going to be using the lift's services? And does the same apply to a woman, should she hold the doors if she sees a man approaching, or a woman for that matter? Sod it! Should you hold the door when you see someone else approaching even if you are unsure whether or not they are going to use the bloody lift!?

The lift doors were closing on me earlier, and just as there was say, a foot of a gap left, I saw a woman enter the downstairs lobby door, there was no way she was going to reach the button before the doors closed, yet still, in vain, she tried. Handbag in hand, she semi-jogged towards the lift, and to be honest, I chuckled to myself as the doors closed, locked, and the lift started moving.

I am a bastard.

Lack of anything worthwhile...

I'll admit it, I've had very little motivation to do anything other than the occasional post for www.AndrewBlackburn.co.uk or finish the photolog, the guestbook or the forum for the site. I've also been trying to get my head around proper css based layouts for a new site that I may start designing for Shivvers who is thinking about selling some of the jewellery she makes... Shiv+Jewellery=www.Chivalry.com or something of the like? And what better a name for a jewellery selling site in a time where many believe that chivalry is dead, and men should be equal to women. Why should we hold doors open for women? Why should men walk closer to the road? I'll tell you why, because we are men, and believe it or not, we will always be the stronger of the sexes (generally) and should look after the ladies in our lives. In return, we get that hot cup of tea when we aren't feeling well, the clean sheets on the bed (not that it should be a woman's job, just something that came to me is all) and the hugs, kisses and warmth that only a woman can bring to a man's life. So no, chivalry isn't dead, and to prove it, blokes can by a bespoke piece of jewellery from the new site when I get round to making it, if the idea ever takes off.